I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
