While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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