I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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