He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
