I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
