This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
