you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
