Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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