peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
where am i from again
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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