she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
