Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm getting married
To pizza
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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