It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize