i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
