You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
