I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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