Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
