The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
