She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
