I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize