I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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