I'm really into asian looking animals
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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