sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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