dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
