you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
