Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
