it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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