I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
