therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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