shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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