You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
