I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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