I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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