Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
