i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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