He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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