Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
