For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
