So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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