I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize