Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
