shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
