There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
