i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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