ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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