He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I pour the whiskey from now on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
