I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
