I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
