dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
