rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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