Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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