Jerry, you need to find god
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
