my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
