sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
