Your dad touched me again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
