just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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