Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
