Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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