im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
