i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
