he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
