saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
