found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
