hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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