Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
