we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
