ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
