yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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