Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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