this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
