Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
