Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
