Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
