my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
