Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
