Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
