I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pants are for mortals
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
