Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
