If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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