i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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