You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
