just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
