i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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